What is God’s Counsel on Pre/Extra Marital Sex?

In Genesis 4:1, sexual intercourse is first mentioned in this scripture and the act is between a man and his wife, Adam and Eve. Before we go on, what is ‘sexual intercourse’? Sexual intercourse is an act between two individuals that involves the penetration of a man’s genital (penis) into a woman’s genital (vagina). In Genesis 4:1, the Bible describes sexual intercourse as Adam ‘knowing’ Eve. The result of this ‘knowledge’ was the conception and birth of Cain, and later on Abel… and the rest of their lineage.

So, from this perspective, you can see that sexual intercourse between two individuals can lead to the conception and birth of a child. Before this ‘knowledge’ between Adam and Eve, as it is written in the scriptures, you will read in previous chapters that there was a solemn union between Adam and Eve. Let’s refer to Genesis 2:21-24. Before then, in verse 18 of that chapter, God said that it wasn’t good for a man to be alone and He purposed to provide a ‘helper’ for Adam. God provided this helper, Eve, for Adam and they were joined together as one flesh as you read in verse 24 before the event of ‘knowledge’ occurred. But God did not merely provide a woman for Adam for the sole purpose of sexual intercourse but for oneness. That oneness is purposed to yield fruitfulness and multiplication to His glory and praise. 

In Genesis 1:28, God commanded mankind to be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth, subdue it, and have dominion over everything that moves on the earth. These things could and can not be fulfilled by man alone, hence the creation of both genders for the Word of God to be established.

In Genesis 2:18, the word helper is the Hebrew word ‘Ezer’. Ezer is frequently used to describe who God is to mankind in the Bible, our Helper, the One who does for us what we cannot do on our own or for ourselves. In this context of creation, a woman is described as such, one who could supply what the man was lacking. The woman is created to complement the man. A man is not capable of bringing forth a child except his seed meets with the egg of a woman, and vice versa, a woman is not capable of bringing forth a child without the seed of a man fertilizing her egg. The woman was made to complement the man.

I’m giving you this breakdown for a purpose, and that purpose is the Lord’s stand on the topic of sex. The first record of any sexual activity was between a man and his wife, and a woman and her husband. The Bible says in 2 Timothy 3:16-17, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work”, these scriptures are to equip you with the knowledge of who God is and what His commands are.

From Genesis 1-4, you can well establish the fact that God’s original design for sexual intercourse was/is for married couples ONLY. It cannot be rewritten or doctored to fit any other standards. The Word of God isn’t written to conform to the feelings or standards of men, it is written to instruct and directs you on what God says is right. “The counsel of the Lord stands forever, The plans of His heart to all generations.” - Psalms 33:11.

Now, to the next establishment, Marriage. What is marriage? Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman. As seen in Genesis 2:24, marriage is the coming together of a man and a woman to become one flesh in the sight of God, to serve Him. I mentioned the word ‘covenant’, covenants are the most solemn and binding form of commitment that the Bible knows (Derek Prince). Take a look at the covenants enacted by God in the Bible, the one between God and Noah, God and Abraham, those covenants stand till this very day. Despite the numerous rebellions recorded in history against God by His covenant people, these covenants are still in full effect. God does not go back on His Word. So, if a man and woman make a marriage covenant in the presence of God, it stands forever regardless of the influences of external factors. This answers all the arguments surrounding sexual intercourse before and outside marriage. Sex was designed from the very beginning by God for married couples. It’s an act created for multiplication, intimacy and unity, anything outside the walls of these purposes designed by God is a sin before Him.

Still, in the Bible, let us explore situations and instances of sexual intercourse outside God’s design for it. This will be broken into 2 sections, Fornication (sex between unmarried people) and Adultery (sex outside of the covenant of marriage). 

1.    Fornication - is first mentioned or addressed in Exodus 22:16. Now, note that some people claim that this verse does not prohibit pre-marital sex, but this is indeed a false narrative. Considering God’s ultimate and original design for sex (which is the irrefutable standard) and the context in which Moses spoke, it is clear that casual sex was prohibited even at that time. In Mark 10:5-9, Jesus Christ reveals a bit of the background of how the hearts of the people whom Moses led were, their hearts were hardened. For the sake of this hardness, some morality laws were made to accommodate their excesses and their obvious lack of the knowledge of God. At this time when these laws were given, God had not yet revealed Genesis to Moses as we read in the scriptures. If you recall, shortly after the Lord delivered Israel from the Egyptian bondage, they murmured against God. These were the sort of people Moses was dealing with, ones who had been in captivity for years and had evidently picked up some of the practices of their oppressors. God had to accommodate their excesses whilst reorienting their minds and practices to line up with His Word. After Christ fulfilled the sacrifice for the redemption of our sins, new and better laws were taught by His Apostles under the inspiration and guidance of the Holy Spirit to the body of Christ. In 1 Corinthians 6:13-20, Apostle Paul teaches the believer to glorify God in body and spirit and acts of fornication certainly do not glorify Him, rather it dishonours Him because the practice is out of the lines of His design. So, if you have ever desired to know if God permits sex outside marriage under any circumstances, the Lord does not approve! It does not matter if you’re engaged, the Biblical standard of marriage is enacted after both parents of the engaged parties consent to the union and the dowry is paid. In our present day and age (in Nigeria), the dowry is paid and marriage vows have to be said before God before man and wife are united. Then and only then will sex be legal. 

2.    Adultery - is first mentioned in Genesis 16:2-4, this act of adultery was initiated by the wife in this situation and even then, though the 10 commandments didn’t exist yet, the end result was tragic as we all know it. Adultery is any form of sex that occurs outside the sanctity of marriage and God expressly frowns against it. The prohibition of adultery is the 6th on the list in the 10 commandments given to Moses by God Himself, so this should communicate the gravity of this act. When Jesus Christ was asked what the greatest commandment was/is, He mentioned the love of your neighbour as yourself as the second greatest commandment. In Ephesians 5:22-33, Apostle Paul exhorting the brethren on the sanctities of marriage encouraged the man to love his wife and wife to respect her husband. A man who truly loves his wife and a woman who truly respects her husband would not be found dishonouring themselves by being involved in such an abominable act. It is a law that cannot be argued by any school of thought since the Lord clearly expressed His stance on it in the 10 commandments. God expressly forbids adultery, any cultural or behavioural argument on why a man, especially, is likely to engage in or cannot avoid extramarital affairs is a direct rebellion and violation against God’s Word and must be seen as what it truly is, a rebellious act. God’s counsel on adultery is very clear and direct, He does not approve of it.

The Bible says in Isaiah 55:11, “So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it”, the Word that God released in Genesis 1 and through the scriptures is still in full effect today. It is why the world is still in existence, it is why you still have night and day, the sun and the moon. It is why the earth still yields its produce for you to eat and be nourished. If you enjoy these benefits of His faithfulness, why reject His instructions? Unfortunately, it is in man’s innate character to reject God’s Word and choose what’s ‘best’ for him, but even in this apparent rebellion, don’t try to further your ideologies to His established Word all in a bid to satisfy your flesh.

Now, if you have ever been involved in these acts, or perhaps you’re still involved in it, but you feel the Lord bidding you to repentance, I want you to know that the Loving Arms of your Father in Heaven awaits you. He does not condemn you. Repent of the sin right now… and moving on, you must reject, deny, and forbid any possibility of returning to the sin. God bless you. 

Shalom!